the Infamous Storks and Corks Tale

This comes to you from about a year ago, but I thought it was definitely worthy of repeating in written form here.
One day last August, Mom called and told me that she and Dad would be out for the evening, then something about 'bird watching' and 'wine'. I was like, "What? Are you kidding? You and Daddy are going bird watching? Doesnt' that entail something like sitting still and keeping quiet for a while? What are you thinking?" Well, she explained to me that it's an event in their town that's for some kind of charity, and that afterwards there's an auction, wine, something else...
She calls me the next day and I asked how their fun-filled evening went. While she was relaying the evening's events, I was laughing so hard, which made her laugh, so I said, "Mom, I'll call you back. This is so good I have to go write this down right now!"
Following is my writing of this event from 8-14-06, and I might add that I was writing this as if I were talking to my Dad, because I knew I'd have to read it to him later, and that he'd appreciate the interpretation through my eyes:

8-14-06
Here is my interpretation of your evening:

You went to see the storks, which may or may not have actually been there, since no one told you to bring binoculars. You were apparently underdressed, a little chilly, and probably began to wonder exactly what your motivation to go there in the first place had originally been. You waited it out, since you were already there, until THANKFULLY, some kind samaritan near you offered to let you use his binoculars. At that point, perhaps you saw some birds, but were probably, by that time, a little beyond caring too much, so you probably used the binoculars out of politeness. After all, you wouldn't want the avid bird watcher with the binoculars to think you were nuts, right? So you let out a couple of "oohs" and "ahhs" for the benefit of the excitable bird watcher next to you, just long enough to feign interest. You could sense he was getting antsy to get those binoculars back, for fear opf missing some of the excitement.
Eventually you wandered in to the silent auction, and apparently only bid on the basket of liquor. I can imagine after all that excitement you could have used some right about then, making a mental note that next time, if God forbid there was a next time, you must remember to bring your own flask. I hear you were intently bidding on the liquor, and ended up winning! Then you saw, much to your dismay, that the bottles were smaller than you'd initially thought they were. Who'd have guessed you'd have needed your binoculars for that too? They obviously looked larger from a distance, much like those storks who, again, may or may not have actually been there... But hey - a little liquor is better than no liquor at all, I always say!
You take your lovely wife, your extravagant purchase of "mini bottles", and you head home to your cat. And on the drive home, you meticulously plan for the next exciting family outing.