Most Embarassing Moment(s)

Yeah, I've been really dying to get this on "paper" for what, now? 25 years? I must preface this with an apology to my wonderful Mom, b/c everytime I tell this story she is just so mortified that she blushes and puts her head down and apologizes. Fortunately, rather than the incident scarring me for life - at which point I'd probably have blocked out the whole scene anyway - it's just given me fodder for many, many laughs throughout the years!
So - it's 7th grade, circa 1982. We're sitting in Ms. Grice's English class, the class right before lunch. Jamye, Rick, everyone else I know, is in the same class. Well, for reasons I can't remember, I didn't bring a lunch with me that day. Now that I think about it, maybe I was plotting, subconsciously of course, to get Mom to bring me something "good" for lunch. Or maybe - well, I dunno!
Mom was over at a house she and Dad owned, that they rented out, and I guess they were fixing it up for the next tenant. Well, this house was directly across the street from Burger King. So I called Mom and asked if she could bring me some lunch. Okay, so in retrospect, I could have just come right out and said, "Hey! I know! Why don't you just pick up something from Burger King?" But alas, no. The 7th grade brain thinks it's subtle, I guess. So I just asked her to bring me lunch, of course, all the while assuming she'd come up with the 'Burger King' thing on her own.
Now also, allow me to point out, that I was the "chubby" one out of all my friends, which really isn't saying anything. Turns out all my girl friends were really, really skinny, and when I look at pix from back then I think, "Wow! Could I please be that 'chubby' again?!". So, as with most young girls that age, I'm sure it was more me looking at myself that way. If not, I'll just continue to think so anyway. But i digress...
I remember it was a warm time of year, and I guess whatever Ms. Grice was teaching, she was done for the day, and everyone was just lazily waiting for the bell to ring for the lunch hour. Now let me set up the visual - you'd walk into the classroom and immediately be facing, let's say 8 rows of desks. Ms. Grice's desk was at the front, in the middle, where you would have just walked in. I was all the way to the right, near the back, in other words - about as far from the front door as you could be. To make matters worse, I hadn't yet fully "come out of my shell" (yeah, that would hit full force in 10th grade), and I wasn't shy exactly, but I wasn't anywhere beyond being embarassed over the slightest little thing.
There's a knock on the door. Ms. Grice turns to look to see who the intruder will be. Before she has a chance to open the door herself, an arm (at this angle it looked like a big, gigantic, mutant arm, stretching slowly into the classroom...) comes straight through the door, and a loud, booming, reverberating voice bellows, "I HAVE MICHELE FELLER'S LUNCH!!!". Attached to the other end of the enormous arm, hanging out there so that possibly a satellite in space could see it, was a HUGE, brown paper - wait for it... - GROCERY BAG!!!!!!!
I remember gasps and snickers, and one, "Day-um! How much does she eat??" I looked over at Jamye, a couple rows away. She looked at me. We both had this twisted look of shock, horror, and an inevitable, upcoming fit of uncontrollable laughter we knew would come. She even turned red, looked at me again, and put her head down on her desk. It was like time stopped. There was no where to hide. I actually had to somehow, propel myself out of the desk, move toward the front door, grab the cumbersome "lunch" bag, and return to my seat. My God, can you imagine!!??
But wait. It gets worse. I take the bag, return to my seat and drop it on the floor next to me, facing out, of course, so the entire classroom could see it. Well, I was so mortified, and just laughing so hard now with embarassment, I literally plopped it down on the floor and put my head down on the desk, not even looking at the big, brown monster that had interrupted the class. Just waited for the bell...
Well, if all that wasn't bad enough, my Mother - She had written, in large black letters with a sharpie, on the side of the hulking bag, "Dear Michele: This is the smallest bag of chips I could find. Please share with your friends." Like, Oh my God - if I didn't know any better I'd eat the whole thing myself??!!
Well, needless to say, I fed the entire playground at lunch, and lost any appetite I may have had. Now, in Mom's defense, she really thought she was doing a good thing. Besides the Burger King being right there, a grocery store was too. So she just figured she's get stuff for me and my friends to make our own lunch. Good idea. In theory. Jamye and I finally looked in the bag at lunch - a whole loaf of bread, a whole container of lunch meat, and a big bag of chips. See? That really does work in theory. Theory, people. Not when you're that age, I guess. But it's something I laugh hysterically at everytime I think about it, so really, Mom, thanks for making that lasting, hysterically funny event happen so I could write about it later. Much later...